*all names and identifying details have been changed in order to protect the identity of the interviewee.

Both of Barbara’s pregnancies were unplanned and her situation illustrates how differently we view things depending on our place in life and the experiences we have had.  The first time she got pregnant she was nearly 21 years old and independent, working two jobs and living from paycheck to paycheck.  She shared a one-bedroom apartment with her boyfriend and his two children and the four of them managed with the help of food banks and other local social service agencies.  Barbara and her boyfriend found a way to tailor their work schedules to avoid paying for child care, and although this didn’t leave much time for the two of them to be together, she describes their relationship as “intense – a first true love sort of thing.”

Despite their financial and practical difficulties, Barbara’s first reaction was excitement. Although neither she nor her partner had a college degree, they loved each other deeply and were willing to work hard to survive.  Barbara broke the news to her boyfriend and told him she was leaning toward having the baby.  Randy’s first emotion was fear. He was afraid that having a newborn would prove to be too much for them.  Their lack of financial stability together with their small apartment and dead-end jobs made the thought of parenting three small children overwhelming at best.

The couple was one paycheck away from eviction and had no family in the local area to rely on.  Their staggered work hours made it particularly difficult for either of them to make social connections and they were each other’s only source of emotional support.  In all truth, it would not have taken much of a bump in the road to throw them off track and into a catastrophic situation. They had no savings and missing even a few days of work could mean losing their apartment.

 “I was absolutely, fiery in-love with him, though. I had stars in my eyes and most of the time, I felt like we could conquer the world. We loved each other and those kids we were raising and we were doing our best. It felt noble somehow. I was excited about having his baby and not really in-tune to the reality of what this might mean if one of us lost our jobs.”

After several intense discussions, Barbara came to understand that her boyfriend was feeling suffocated with the responsibilities they faced.  The fact that she was helping him raise these two children to whom she had no biological link felt tenuous. He felt certain that he couldn’t manage on his own.   He was also discouraged that they were unable to make any financial headway. Adding another child to the mix would put them even farther in the hole.  Randy’s nervousness led Barbara to begin contemplating their situation with a view to the longer term.  She eventually agreed that this was a lot to handle and they made an appointment at a local abortion clinic.

Unfortunately, obtaining an abortion was not as simple as they had hoped.  Although the state in which they lived covered abortion under Medicaid funding, the procedure was only legal during the first trimester.  Barbara would have to rush to get emergency medical coverage in time to have the abortion before it was too late.  A friend who was already enrolled in the Medicaid program offered to let Barbara use her ID card but she was too frightened of the possible consequences if they got caught.  In the end, they were able to get state medical coverage just before the end of Barbara’s first trimester.  Their next challenge became arranging for time off work and scraping together the funds to pay a babysitter to watch the children for several hours while they were away.

Having surmounted all of the logistical hurdles, Barbara heaved a sigh of relief as she sat on the edge of the exam table in her thin, backless gown.  It was at this point that Randy began to cry.

“He…changed his mind. He got down on one knee and asked me to marry him – said he couldn’t stand the thought of not having this baby now and he begged me to reconsider.  It was too late for me.  I had made the choice and we couldn’t wait any longer to re-decide.  It was the only time he had ever expressed that he would want to keep this baby – it was just too late.  He stood with me squeezing my hand and we both cried for a while.  It was incredibly hard.”

Barbara did go through with the abortion and Randy stayed by her side the entire time, supporting her emotionally and physically.  The couple broke up a year later, although Barbara doesn’t feel as though the abortion was a seminal cause.  She explains that they were both too young to be struggling so hard in such a difficult situation.  Their relationship just “fell by the wayside” when it came to expending a limited amount of energy on a daily basis.

Ultimately, Barbara feels that having an abortion was the right decision.  Looking back more than ten years, she believes that she was not ready to be a parent on any level.  She and Randy never even entertained the notion of giving the baby up for adoption, especially given that they were raising two other children at that time.

“How disloyal would that have been to give up our child when I was working so hard to raise two others that weren’t even related to me? It seemed ludicrous.”

After she moved out, Barbara enrolled in and completed college.  Not only would this improve her own life, but she saw it as a means to give back to the community that had supported her in earlier years.  It was important to her to diminish her reliance on social services and eventually donate her own time or money to these organizations that had helped her through some very tough times.

After getting her degree Barbara began dating again, although she describes herself as “just having fun” as opposed to seeking a life partner.  It was at the tail end of a relationship that had lasted for several months that she discovered she was pregnant again.

The rest of this story will be available in the book when it is released. Like our Facebook page to get updates on the publishing process!